Bayerischer Hof, Munich, Germany

MalContent: Luxury Hotel Bayerischer Hof, Munich, Germany

Munich in winter at minus 5 degrees Celsius, is not exactly the highlight of my Winter Solstice Dreams, but it is indeed a great European city.  I guess, just a browse at the Theresa. boutique in Maffeistraße, a quick coffee at the Cafe-Bistro Dallmayer  and the fantastic Georgia O'Keeffe exhibit at the Hypo-Kunsthalle, I had the pleasure of enjoying during my last visit, are all exceptional redeeming points.  My home away from home on this particular wintry trip, the luxury Hotel Bayerischer Hof, was supposed to be the true highlight. Alas, all I and my party of five wanted to do by the end of our stay, is camp outside with the Michael Jackson fans, at the base of the statue of the composer Orlande de Lassus, and not spend a second longer at the prestigious Leading Hotels, Bayerischer Hof hotel!

What went wrong, you may ask?  I guess there were warning signs from the very beginning.  As I tried to check in our party, I was informed there was NO booking, only to be told a couple of minutes later, that yes, there was a booking!  The entire check in process was very Marriott-like, and don't get me wrong, there is nothing amiss with the lovely Marriott hotel group, but I expected more from a  Leading Hotels member.  The modern lifts with the blue airport lounge lighting, downgraded this potentially beautiful historic building and clashed with every other architectural detail.  The rooms were lovely and tastefully decorated, but needed a thorough clean. The toiletries were already at a Holiday Inn level. Again nothing wrong with this efficient, budget hotel group, but when I unwrap the soap, and I find a mushy-vegetable-fat-goo sliver of a pretend soap in my palm, and I am paying five star hotel prices, I get upset.

But the nightmare did not end with the unseemly hotel bathroom amenities. As we arrived late, after a long drive and no lunch, my party and I, attempted to get a quick dinner at the hotel's Trader Vic's restaurant. The ridiculously rude receptionist, barked "we do NOT have any tables available tonight!" the second she caught sight of my shadow preceding my entrance into the restaurant. Valiantly, I soldiered on, and politely pointed out that there were a number of tables that were not occupied yet, and added that we would be very quick with our dinner, as in we would be gone in less than an hour. Still, she was having none of it. She barked and barked and barked, and I finally gave up. 

We decided we would try the hotel's rather lack luster Atelier restaurant. We were promptly, and I might add rather excitedly, told that the restaurant was now shut for the evening. The mixture of hunger, tiredness and awful hotel service, resulted in me marching off to the front desk and asking to see the front desk manager. This gentleman was an utter waste of time. After hearing my story, the following resulted; yes, he was very sorry, but unfortunately it was late (11pm), and the receptionist was foreign and did not speak good German (I am certain tonal range exists in all 'foreign' languages, just as it does in German!) , and if we were still hungry, we could try the Palais Keller. I realized I was not being 'heard', and have rather inconveniently come across a case of serious monologue-ites.

Again I gave up, and we marched on in resignation to the Palais Keller. Or, in reality, a glorified pub located in a cellar. Except, I have been to much, much nicer pubs, and there was nothing glorious or glorified about this establishment with bad ventilation. It even managed to make the wooden interior look cold, and following dinner, my hair smell like Bratwurst.  Not good. The service was slow, the food was awful; a soup so salty it left my mouth feeling like the Sahara, accompanied by equally salty pretzels, and fish that was simply destined for the bin. We left without finishing our meals and we were still hungry. The idea that a hot tea or any hot liquid might dampen our hunger, lead us to the hotel lobby cafe. There were no flowers, no decorative touches in this dark, cold lobby, with fantastic architectural potential, failed utterly by the hotel management. My chamomile tea was served with hot water in the cup and a chamomile tea bag on the saucer. I had to ask for some sugar. Three times. Resigned, we retired to our rooms.

Breakfast, the following morning was really the case of the 'same old bad'. Lovely roof top conservatory type space, stuffed with tables with horrid sateen table cloths, and I remember a great deal of baby pink napkins. The buffet breakfast was a prime example of quantity over quality.

Needless to say, we were relieved to leave the Bayerischer Hof, and to NEVER come back! I followed up this horrid trip, with an email to the management, and yes, I did get a reply. Again, they were very sorry for my party's negative experience, and it would not happen again. Except, there will not be an again!  Not even having my humble name added to the illustrious, and 'oh-so-elegant online guestbook' could tempt me!